INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

               Jeff sits at a ridiculously small table scribbling in a note
               pad.  Wads of paper cover the remaining less-than-adequate
               table top.

               Joe approaches from behind him and sits down opposite him.

                                   JOE
                         What's shakin'?

               Jeff doesn't look up.

                                   JEFF
                         You're late.

               Joe looks at his watch.

                                   JOE
                         Late?

                                   JEFF
                         We said 1:00.  It's quarter after.

                                   JOE
                         You've got to be kidding me.  If
                         you were a woman, you'd only have 8
                         periods a year.

               Jeff pauses and looks up.

                                   JEFF
                         What the hell is that supposed to
                         mean?  I've never made you late for
                         anything.

                                   JOE
                         Are you kidding me?  That's because
                         I've been lying to you for years.  
                         If something starts at 7, I tell
                         you it starts at 6:30.

                                   JEFF
                         Really?

                                   JOE
                         Yes.

                                   JEFF
                         Huh.

               Jeff returns to his scribbling.

                                   JOE
                         So what are you...

               Joe is interrupted by a waitress who butts in.

                                   WAITRESS
                         What can I get you?

                                   JOE
                         I'll have a coffee.

                                   WAITRESS
                         What kind of coffee?

                                   JOE
                         Um, just a coffee.

               She's nonplussed.  

                                   JOE (cont'd)
                         Just a regular old coffee.  No
                         fancy foam or anything.  Just a
                         coffee.

                                   WAITRESS
                         Maybe you'd like to try a
                         cappuccino?

                                   JOE
                         No, no.  Just a coffee.  You have
                         that, right?

                                   WAITRESS
                         I'll have to check.

               She walks off before Joe can say anything else.  Jeff hasn't
               looked up.

                                   JOE
                         Can you believe this?

                                   JEFF
                         Mmm.

                                   JOE
                         I just want a coffee.  Coffee
                         flavored coffee.  Is that too much
                         to ask?  I wonder whatever happened
                         to America.  This yuppie
                         bullshit...

               The waitress has returned with her manager, who interrupts.

                                   MANAGER
                         Is there a problem here, Sir?

                                   JOE
                         No, no problem, I'd just like a
                         coffee.

                                   MANAGER
                         Oh certainly, what kind?  We offer
                         many flavors and var...

                                   JOE
                         No, no, just a black coffee.

                                   MANAGER
                         Are you sure you wouldn't like to
                         try an Expresso?  We have an
                         excellent variety of mochas and
                         lattes.

                                   JOE
                         No, really, just a black coffee. 
                         That'll do me just fine.

                                   MANAGER
                         Very well.  We'll have that right
                         out for you.
                             (to WAITRESS)
                         Come on Shirley, I'll show you how
                         to make it.

                                   JOE
                         Wow.

               Jeff's been ignoring the spectacle.  He looks up.

                                   JEFF
                         Hey, is "bull dyke" one word or
                         two?

                                   JOE
                         Two. 

                                   JEFF
                         Thanks.

               Jeff resumes writing.

                                   JOE
                         What the hell are you writing
                         there?

                                   JEFF
                         A letter to the ex.

                                   JOE
                         Kristy?  Why?

                                   JEFF
                         No, Lauren.

                                   JOE
                         Lauren?  Didn't you break up with
                         her three years ago?  Why are you
                         writing to her now?

                                   JEFF
                         I need some closure.

               Shirley the Waitress returns.

                                   SHARON
                         Your, uh, coffee, sir.

               She sets a miniscule cup and saucer down next to Joe.

                                   JOE
                         Thanks.

                                   SHARON
                         Can I get you anything else?

                                   JOE
                         No, that's got it.

                                   SHARON
                         Ok, well thanks.  Let me know if
                         you need anything else.

               Shirley sets the bill down.  It's marked in big girly
               handwriting with a heart for a dot on the I.  It reads $7.00.

               She's gone before Joe has a chance to protest.

               Jeff tears the paper out of his note pad and wads it up.

                                   JEFF
                         I'm never going to get this right. 
                         Let's get going.

                                   JOE
                         Why the hell did we come here?

                                   JEFF
                         I heard they had good coffee.